~8/26/18~
Something that I hate is when someone tells me "no." I am a people pleaser, I am a person who always wants to do the right thing, I am someone who likes to have plans and have them go accordingly. I can honestly say that hearing the word "no" is genuinely hard for me. I have also learned in the past few months (especially in the past few days) that hearing "No" doesn't necessarily mean "no." So just recently I had applied for something that I was so excited about (more excited than I thought I was.) I had my heart set on doing this particular thing and had told everyone about it. I had applied for the three-step process and got an email after the initial application that I had moved to the second stage. Now let me start off by saying that I was pretty confident that I was going to get a spot in this program (although it is a SUPER hard program to get into.) I had this gut feeling that I would get a spot and would spend my second semester of school in this program. Well, let's just say, people say go with your gut, and sometimes your gut is wrong. So I got to the second stage of the application process and I literally jumped for joy. The next day I filled out the second step interview and was so hoping when I pressed "end" it would say "Congratulations, you are going to the next step." Well, I pressed "end" when I was all finished and I just saw the words "unfortunately we have no spot for you." I have never felt my heart sink deeper into my stomach before. Almost instantly I started balling. I called my mom with streams of tears running down my face. I didn't understand, I was so confident. I felt like God was calling me to be in this program in Spring of 2019. This was not supposed to happen. This was not my plan in my head. While on the phone with my mom I just kept repeating, "I didn't think I would be this upset", " what did I do wrong?" I was so utterly confused. I had gotten so much confirmation for many people saying that I should be a shoo-in. Why was this happening to me? Why did I not go through to the next step? Now all of my dreams for next semester had been flushed down the toilet. After sitting in my room for about 4 hours of constantly crying, then being okay, then going back to crying... I finally realized "okay Ansley, all your tears are out now so let's think ahead." My mom said, "Ansley I know this is hard but this happened for a reason." If you had talked to me a few years ago, It would have taken me a lot longer to realize things do happen for a reason, but today I realize it faster. My mom was right (she always is), this happened for a reason although I don't understand right now. God is going to do something in my life next semester that I am not aware of right now. Maybe he might do something or put someone in my life in the next month that might continue into next semester. I don't know exactly what but I know something good is going to come. I also know that I can try again. Sure I didn't get in on my first try, but a lot of college kids don't. Heck yeah, I'm going to reapply in January for fall of 2019. There were a lot of questions I had right off the bat, but after a little while, I just started to think of all the wonderful "what ifs" that might happen. Sure it's hard to think of those wonderful "what ifs" in the moment of the, what seems to be like millions of "no's", but we have to do it. Do it, think of hundreds and thousands of wonderful things that could happen because it makes all the "no's" a little less important. I sat in my bed that night thinking about the special things or special people that might walk into my life and the sadness I felt a mere 4 hours ago didn't seem so sad anymore. Instead, I laid in my bed with so much optimism of the future. There is a reason why God is making me stay here in Boone for both semesters of my junior year, there is at least one reason for it, maybe 10 reasons for it.
God is wonderful like that. He never does anything to make us upset. He loves us so much and has the BEST plan for our lives. Like I have said MILLIONS of times before, of course, OUR plan is not HIS plan but that is what makes it so wonderful. We can't plan everything in our lives because no matter how hard we try, it won't be as perfect as God's plan for us. ISN'T THAT SO COOL??? ( I like to think so.) So in the midst and sadness of all the "no's" we get in life, we have to remember that this small little "no" is the first step to an even bigger and better "Yes" to come. Also, remember that God never tells us "no." Ever. It's hard for us to realize that because sometimes we only focus on the "no's". When God tells us "no" in life its never just "no." Its always a "No, now is not the right time, be patient and wait", or, "No, why don't you do this instead?" Maybe a "no, let's change it up a little bit to make it even better." We as people sometimes stop listening at the "no" part and don't hear what God has to say after. It's easy to do that. It's easy to stop listening because we don't want to be hurt any more than we already are. It's so easy. As easy as it may be to stop listening to him in the moment, we have to keep listening. We have to listen to what God has to say next because it's more than likely going to be something wonderful. He is so wonderful like that and sometimes I am in awe just thinking about it. No matter how many "No's" we get, it can't even add up to the amount of happiness God has planned for us with a "Yes".
Tomorrow if you get a "no" and it feels like the end of the world, it isn't, far from it. If you think nothing good is going to happen to you anymore, wow you are SO wrong, because it is. God has a plan for you, so much better than you could even imagine. When I got the "no" for a choir solo in middle school, I got a "yes" to be accepted into a Nation Wide honors chorus. When I got a "no" for a lead in the school musical, I got a "yes" to having one of the best times of my life has a supporting character. When I got a "no" on making friends freshman year in college, I got a "yes" to just having to wait a while for my new best friends to come into my life sophomore year. I promise you, it never ends with a "no." Never. You are going to get that happiness, whether it be a day, month, or even a few years. The one thing we can do is have hope and faith in God that he has something wonderful coming our way and we have to be patient. Although it might kill us (i'm the first one to tell you I HATE being patient) but if that's all I have to do in exchange for something that will bring me so much happiness.... who am I to say No to God? So here is to the "no" I just received, but I'm so ready for the excitement for the special something or someone that God has planned for me on the road ahead. Just remember that he is always looking out for you and has the best life planned for you. Get excited about that, because I know I am.
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