~3/16/2021~
I don’t know about y’all but spring is right around the corner and for some reason this year and this spring season feels different to me. Let me explain what I mean and hopefully it won’t come off like complete gibberish.
I feel rejuvenated but also confused. This is a time where I feel like this is a new me. It’s like taking a breath of fresh air. You know that feeling of taking a giant breath of air in, outside on a spring day after you feel like your chest was heavy with the weight of the world. Just that one breath of air makes you feel like a new person. It lightens your eyes. It widens your heart. It’s like breathing in a new opportunity to keep on going. It’s like you're saying to yourself, “I’m okay, I can do this.” That feeling is how I feel about this spring coming up. I feel it in my soul that this is a time for new things. No matter what they might be, new things are here and I am ready to take them on. Do I know what they are? Heck no. Will I figure them out? I hope so. My entire life I have felt like my place was in this one category. I felt so strongly that I would do a certain job and live in a certain town for years, possibly the rest of my life. Recently with the change of the weather and season, my mind has been racing 100mph. In the best of ways but also the scariest of ways. I have this feeling that I am meant for something else. Every thought, every idea that I have had in my mind, I for some reason don’t feel like that is my place anymore. I feel like I am meant to go. Go somewhere. Figure out who I am. Gain a new experience out of my comfort zone. The idea of that would have terrified me a few months ago. Leaving and stepping into the great unknown…. 6 months ago Ansley would have said “aw heck no.” This Ansley at this moment in time, doesn’t seem to hate the idea. I am kinda ready to jump into whatever. If someone told me tomorrow to pack up my stuff and move 5 hours away from home, i’d probably be like “okay.”
The weather is warm and inviting. The breeze blows a warm breath as the sun beats on my skin now. As the sun shines it is like a smile in the sky. I never knew how much I needed this change until it happened. Then I started to think about change. What other changes am I missing out on because I am terrified? But also how many changes am I missing out on that could be a good thing for me? The fear was holding me back and I can feel the layers of fear slowly being pulled back and fading away.
I have always been a Fall person. Fall is my favorite season ever and I have never been obsessed with spring or summer. I mean they are fine but I don’t really care about them one way or another. This spring is so different. Like I said before about the weather, I never knew how much I needed this change until it happened. How many things am I holding myself back from happening. How many things am I hindering for myself that could be exactly what I need? It’s a time for new things, changes.
I am the CEO of hating change. You can ask anyone who knows me. I like being comfortable. I like having fun with activities and friends but overall I enjoy being consistent. I like being in my world and having my world stay the same. I would get so anxious over the littlest change. When I went to college, oh I was traumatized. I was even terrified when I went to another country on a mission trip for a week. ONE WEEK. THAT WAS IT. The idea of getting through like 6 days was a BIG no for me. Oh how I have changed. I have seen a big change in me recently. I have wondered if others have seen it in me too. Honestly I have no idea if they have or not but I know I have. Really that is all that matters, I’m not here to please others. I am here to live my life to the fullest possibility. I am here to take opportunities. May I fail? Possibly. But I won’t know until I try. I won’t know until I take the risk. Thankfully I have such a great support system around me within my family and friends that if I failed I know I would have people there to catch me. I don’t take that for granted at all. I am so grateful for that and I know how blessed I am to have that because so many people don’t. So many people take risks and big leaps and they are completely alone. If they fail, then they have to figure out a way to get out of it themselves and that can be very challenging sometimes. Challenging but most of the time very rewarding in the end. I ask you this…… would you be willing to take a jump, the most terrifying jump you have ever heard of, would you take it if you knew about the wonderful reward at the end? If we knew about how great it would end up, we would all take the jump, obviously. It’s like saying, “would you skydive out of this plane if you had a million dollars waiting for you at the bottom?” Most everyone would say yes. You would still have the few who would say no but most would say yes. But what if we didn’t know there was a million dollars at the bottom. The number of people who would jump would decrease so fast. It’s natural for us as human beings. We like to think most of us are willing to jump into the waters whenever the time comes but most of us are scared. We have things that hold us back.
Another reason we don’t take time to experience new things is not because of fear or being scared, it’s because we get too comfortable with our lives. We do the same routine over and over again and we get into this revolving door. Suddenly a whole life passes us by and we look back at it and realize we spent years and years doing the same thing. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing but sometimes we close ourselves off. Now I'm also not saying to pack up your things and move across the world right now at this moment but you can implement new things in your everyday life. New things bring in new ways for your heart to be happy, for your soul to feel full. It could even be as simple as, going to a new restaurant in town instead of eating the same chicken dinner for the 3rd night in a row. Go to a new coffee shop and order a drink that you wouldn’t normally get. Go home using a different route, see a new part of nature. Big changes don’t necessarily have to come from big things, small things can work just the same.
Y’all, the second you are reading this is the youngest you will ever be again. Don’t let time just slip away. There is so much world out there. So many things out there and I don’t know about you but I want to be able to experience as much as I can. I want to live every second of every day. There is a difference between living and existing. You need to LIVE. Live your life out. God hand crafted all of us so intricately which makes us so special. So if he decided that we were special enough to be on this earth then why would we not take full advantage of the life he blessed us with. It's time for new things. See what you can do that is new. Think about it then implement it. What might sound scary is actually so simple. Don’t overthink about it too much, just do it (not trying to steal the nike slogan or anything.) I promise you 90% of the time it will be worth it. Completely. I can not wait to see how you strive and thrive during this new season we are entering.
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