To the Homebody who is scared to take Opportunities

~ 3/31/19 ~

I am that homebody. Most college students go to college and have the time of their lives because they were so excited to get out of their hometown, experience new things, new people, fly out of the nest, etc. I was not that person at all. Im that college kid who loves her family, I love spending time with them, I love my little hometown. I love going home on the weekends while everyone else is at college partying on their Friday nights. Im a homebody and i'm not ashamed of it. Being a homebody stops me from doing certain things sometimes. If I have a friend who wants to do something on Saturday, I get so excited to go home, I still go home and miss out. It scares me being away from home for a long time, not being able to see my family. It freaks me out that one day I may have a job that might make me move to another state. Now I am SUPER blessed that I have a family that I can say I love hanging out with because not everyone can say that. I am blessed to say I have parents and siblings that make it enjoyable to be around and I miss them when were apart. I have so many WONDERFUL things to be thankful for and I am. Like I said earlier, being a homebody sometimes stops me from doing things. Well i'm here to say, even if your scared to leave your family, get out of your comfort zone, or do something that terrifies you, if an opportunity comes your way, take it. Take it and live it. No matter how scared you might be about it because you would rather just go home, I promise you, take it. It might be a scary thing but it came into your life for a reason. God put it in your life for a reason so who are you to deny him?? Let me tell you a little story.

So I am currently a Junior in college. I've been in the same little college town for three years now and I only have one year left here but I can honestly say, NOW I feel like I am experiencing college. It took me three years to do it, but let me tell you, it was worth the wait.

So my freshman year in college stunk. Like really bad. I spent almost everyday crying in my dorm room while my roommate was in class. I called my parents about 10 times a day, because I just missed them so stinkin' much. I didn't feel like I was where I belonged. I didn't make any friends for the 9 months I was in college that first year. I had one friend, my roommate, but she didn't really count because we have known each other since we were 7. I had seen people older than me from my hometown graduate high school, go off to college, and have this FANTASTIC college experience. I remember sitting in my bed every day asking God why I was not getting that "college experience?" Did I do something wrong? Was I not doing enough? How do I even make friends? (seems like a weird concept because making friends was so easy when I was 8, but at 18, its really hard.) So long story short, freshman year was hard, difficult, and I was ready to pack my bags up and go back home to a community college so I wouldn't have to leave home again (i'm a homebody, remember?) After a long process, I decided to stay at my college and so the summer after freshman year I prayed that sophomore year would be different. The first two weeks of sophomore year were so much greater than all of freshman year combined. I remember thinking to myself "wow, i'm getting it, that college experience." I now had some acquaintances, and two friends who lived on the floor above me. Overall, sophomore year was great, I loved it. Very little crying so that's a win in my book. Junior year rolls around and I get an apartment with my three friends, (my previous roommate and my friends from the floor above) and it was a great start to my junior year. I was making a few more friends but no one that I really hung out with all the time outside of class or events, maybe a couple times. Now here comes Christmas break. Two of my roommates, two of my best friends, were leaving to study abroad for the spring semester. I was terrified. I was terrified to go back to school in January. I didn't want to do it. Who was I going to hang out with? My two best friends were leaving me!!! Now my freshman year self would have come back and sat in her room for the entire spring semester. I told myself going into spring semester that I was not going to let that bring me down, I was going to get out of my comfort zone and thrive. Little did I know that God had something planned for me.

I am a part of a Christian Organization on my campus called Crusaders for Christ (CRU.) For spring break they were partnering with a non-profit organization called Filter of Hope to go to Havana, Cuba. I remember hearing about this trip and it sparked some interest in me so I put my name down to get more info about it. I received multiple emails regarding the trip and then I got an email, that said If I wanted to go I had to fill out a short form for the lottery. The trip was for a certain number of people so it was a lottery system to choose who went. A couple days went by and I opened up my email and it said, I got chosen to go to Cuba. Now I was kind of excited and kind of not. It sounded like a fun opportunity, but then I looked at the rest of the names attached to the email and although I knew most of the people, I wasn't really great friends with anyone. I had called my parents and told them I got into the trip. They were more excited for me than I was. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go anymore. The idea of it sounded amazing but now that it was becoming real, I would have rather just gone home and spent my spring break at my house. I had actually applied for an internship to be gone spring semester and I didn't get it. I remember my mom and dad telling me "Ansley, maybe you didn't get that internship for a reason. Maybe God meant for you to stay on campus so you had the opportunity to go on this trip." I said "yeah, maybe, I guess." Still wasn't too thrilled about it. After a couple days of thinking, I had emailed back saying I accepted the opportunity to go on this mission trip. Most people would have been excited but my stomach dropped. The trip wasn't for like four more months so it wasn't really a thought on my mind. I did end up fundraising all of the money for my trip which was amazing to be able to help my parents out in that way. Then, here came the end of February. My trip was the first week in March and I was low-key freaking out. I didn't even pack until the day before because I didn't want to go anymore. I wished that I had never said yes. I wish I could not go to the airport and stay at my own house and relax for spring break. I regretted my decision completely. I remember sitting in my bed the night before I left thinking, "dang it, I should have said no, I don't want to do this anymore, don't make me go." The next morning I got ready to go and then we were off to the airport (late of course because we as a family naturally run late.) My parents dropped me off as my mom walked in the airport with me. It was like I was a little kid being dropped off, but I was 20 years old, but still wanted my mom with me. (don't judge.) The second my mom left, I was like "oh crap, this is actually happening."

The next week in Cuba was probably the best week of my entire life. I can't help but smile just sitting here typing about that week, the relationships that were made, the people that were reached with the Gospel and the way God worked through me and the other students. If you would have asked me a year ago, what is one place I miss terribly, I would have NEVER said Havana, Cuba.

Since that trip that didn't even happen more than a month ago, things in my life have changed drastically and all for the better. I can now say that I feel so a part of a community on my college campus. I can say I have made more best friends within the past month, its crazy. I have gone to more events and been involved in more things then I did my first two years in college.

I still miss my roommates daily but I am experiencing college. I am being my own person. I am getting out of my shell, more than I even thought was possible.

The plans I had for this semester didn't work out. I do miss my roommates but I didn't lock myself in my room because of it. I am thriving more than ever. I feel loved by so many people. I have made multiple life-long friends. My heart is the biggest I think it has ever been. God knew. He always does. I just had to trust him, which is hard sometimes. He gave me an opportunity in my life and although I wanted to push it away so many times he kept saying "Ansley, please, I promise it will be worth it." Sometimes in my life when I look back at the things God has done for me I want to slap myself and be like "Ansley you almost screwed it up."

So when this opportunity came my way, I took it. It was scary, nerve wracking, and a big unknown. Now I can't look back on all the opportunities that I didn't take and think "what if?" But I can look forward and think about all the exciting opportunities that I don't even know exist yet.

So you, the person who loves home, who doing the unknown is scary and not exciting. If something comes into your life, its there for a reason, so grab it with open arms. Take it and live it.

I took an opportunity and it changed my life. Take your opportunity, cause it might just do the same.